A bit of a departure from my usual posts, but it's been something we've been dealing with. And you know sometimes writing it out makes you feel better.
Why I’m Not Letting
My Son Play With Your Son
My
son can be a jerk.
Sometimes
he doesn’t share. He’ll quit a game if it
doesn’t go his way. He’ll rat you out in
a heartbeat. Some might argue this is
typical behavior for a 9 year old. I
say, no, he’s being a jerk.
While
that statement certainly won’t win me any Mother of the Year awards, it still
gives me comfort. How? Because I know each episode is a teachable
moment. He’ll be punished. He’ll lose privileges. He’ll cry and tell me I’m the meanest mother
in the world. And I’ll smile because I
know that one of my jobs as a mother is to help make him a productive member of
society.
I’m
a realist. I don’t sugarcoat much. If you’re acting like a jerk, I’ll call you
out on it.
But
along with the negatives is a little boy who says “please” and “thank you.” He has a laugh that is contagious. He will ask you if you’re okay if you get
hurt on the playground. He’ll protect a
helpless bug or animal, and he will give you a shoulder to cry on. He’s a good friend to have.
So
when your son – a now former friend – took to tormenting him daily in school
and on the bus, it hurt. Big time. It hurt me as a mom and it hurt my son who
didn’t know why or how it was happening.
He stood his ground though and gave back as good as he got. Yet, when I let you know what was happening,
you turned the tables. Your son became
the victim. You believed every word that
came out of his mouth – even after you were told other people confirmed what
was really going on.
I’ve
heard excuses like, “He’s sooooo smart and that’s why he doesn’t get along with
other kids his age” or “Well, he was born in November so he’s younger than
everyone in his grade.” I’ve heard “My
son doesn’t use those words” or “He does his homework on the bus, how could he
be bothering your son?” I’ve heard it
all and I cry B.S.
So
Mom, YOU are the reason I won’t let my son play with your son anymore. If you had just acknowledged that your son
could be a jerk too, we could get past this.
But you can’t accept that your son might not be perfect (I know mine
isn’t). Your son might use words like
“idiot” or “stupid.” Your son might be
poking and pushing other kids. Your son
might actually be the cause of some problems.
Yes, I know it’s a bitter pill to swallow. But if you could just get out of your state
of denial, you, too, might want to take advantage of these teachable moments.
Yes,
my son can be a jerk. But yours can be
too. It doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means you’re a mother.
Jeanine
